In real love there is no relationship, because there are not two persons to be related to. In real love there is only love, a flowering, a fragrance, a melting, a merging. Only in egoistic love are there two persons, the lover and the loved. And whenever there is the lover and the loved, love disappears. Whenever there is love, the lover and the beloved both disappear into love. -Osho
I fall into love so quickly, it makes me nauseously dizzy.
Male or female, I’ll find qualities I want to study and absorb. Brown eyes, from hazel to green and now blue. There’s a record collection of laughs and chuckles stored away for nostalgic days. Mental pictures of the sun cascading onto their skin on the car ride home, and of the faces they make when they’re brushing their teeth. Words they’ve spoken and sentences they’ve formed linger long enough for me to still be affected by them days, years, decades later. Every person I’ve admired is categorized by favorite colors, birth signs, hobbies, songs, fears and drug preference. From charming, to musician, to artist, to specialist, to writer.
I fall out of love so quickly, it makes it easier for me to fall in love again even quicker.
“A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other’s individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets… us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension — seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are….A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion.” -John Welwood
I've never had a love who could sing along with me, or to me.
Dylan introduced me to Jonathon Coulton just the other night by sharing a cover song and singing Skullcrusher Mountain to me while we began to doze off for the night. By singing me to sleep, he reached a depth of love I’ve never felt before.. He has a very sweet singing voice, that Dylan. ::Swoon::
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
So we’re on the bus. Moments before we watched the sky close in on us through shades of light blue, yellow, orange, red, to violet all around. But we’re on the bus. The sky has become irrelevant. It’s the fluorescent white enveloping us now.
Most of these emotions I’ve felt before, so the butterflies are non-existent. Thoughts are riding the same low tide as my emotions.
So I just sit there, and try to think of something to squeeze out of me to share with him. Squeeze, pull, scrape. All in all, I want something special to come out of this. Out of my time. Out of our time together. Us.
"You know, I used to say a whole lot of romantic, beautiful things when I was in my last relationship.. but he wouldn’t ever know what to do with them. Being turned down and constantly told the opposite of what I wanted to hear back has worn me down. I no longer find it easy to say the things that I used to and I feel as though I have nothing left to share. I’m kind of diluted."
Today, it’s a lighter. Quite the necessary object when you’re trying to network (whether or not you smoke). When you try to make a fire, you’re the hero of the day. When you really want to toke and smoke, a lighter is your best companion (with hemp wick.)
We locked eyes in October. Exchanged names in October. He hugged me in October. Warmed my hands in October. Made each other laugh in October. We kissed in October. He asked me to be his in October. Fucked in October. Learning how to love each other in October. Here we go, November.
I’ve been worrying sick about how S.P.G feels now that I’m sleeping in the same bed as his twin brother.
1:31 AM "S, I’m super sorry about coming into your life the way I did. It’s been bothering me." 1:34 AM "Hey, It’s alright. I feel more at fault for not being open and clear enough with you from the beginning. We’re cool, though. Just make Dylan Happy. That’ll help me out quite a bit hahaha"